Alright. Just letting you know ("you" meaning all of those special people who are taking time to read my ramblings about Ghana) this blog is going to be very Jessie. This means that at times I will be making up words and pretending my grammar is correct when it is not. I will be hopelessly random and will probably have no filter about what I am experiencing. I am not the typical writer who can easily dictate their surroundings and find something fascinate to talk about- or even talk at length about certain things. Nor will I be able to promise a post everyday. I am trying not to put too many expectations on this blog because I am so new to the blog world and I tend to think something is a good idea, start it, and then drop it. However, I am determined to keep this up and when I am determined, I always follow through (just because I am so "damn" stubborn).
At the tail-end of a family reunion on Lake Wynonah, I am sitting on the deck overlooking the lake and wondering at how weird it is that I have already said goodbye to my boyfriend and sisters. First of all, why the heck am I still with my boyfriend when I'm going abroad? Well, good question. Unfortunately I have grown quite attached to this boy and he has become my best friend. I also have the tendency to throw myself into relationships; since I find that it is one of life's rare pleasures to experience affection and trust with other people. I try to govern my life through relationships. And those that are important to me always stay important to me- even if I suck at showing it (I tend to be awful at communication and confrontation. Such a win). So staying with Ethan is a choice I made because why break something off without trying? It helps that I am semi-obsessed with him. Also, I can bet he will not be pleased that I am writing about such a personal matter but oh well. This blog will be very personal. And that's a promise. Saying goodbye to him sucked. Not only because I won't see him till December but because he represents a type of love that I have yet to experience (Yeah I am being a mushy girl, whatever. I'm not actually). And while new things terrify me, I love them as well. It's just hard to think how one should say goodbye. It's not as if it will be easier if you hug them longer. That it won't be as hard anymore if you kiss them five times instead of four. Either way they are leaving, and either way, so are you. That is called an inevitability (BIG WORD!).
No, it's more like trying to imprint their body upon yours trying to make sure you won't forget the way they smell or the way their breath feels against your neck or your cheek...how safe you feel when their arms are encircling you. How your body relaxes immediately at the touch of your sister's hand or the lighting up of their faces when you smile, laugh, attack your brother...just the small moments that you will be missing for awhile but won't be forever gone. It makes me realize what I appreciate most in life. Whose faces I will long to see when I am gone, I won't really know until I leave. But even so, whose faces will I long to see when I get back and am missing those new friends from Ghana that I hope to make?
Going abroad is a privilege which I need to remember. Not many people get to experience a different country or even a different University for a semester. I am blessed with a family who supports me when I spring such an idea upon them and they back me, even though it is not their first choice. I love them.
Before I close this first post I should explain the title. A main reason for choosing Ghana was so that I could be a minority. I am so used to being surrounded with white people that I hardly notice my skin color. Even though I know I cannot change it, I hope that when I leave I will have more of an idea of what it MEANS to be a Ghanaian. What makes them tick, what is important to them as opposed to what I place value upon from growing up in a privileged, white society. Also, let it be known I know next to nothing about politics and history but I am aware that I have led a comfortable life. While this has never been a "bad thing", I find that it would be useful for me to find out what "comfortable" means in Ghana. Another thing you should know is that I am incredibly naive. If anything I say comes off as offensive or inappropriate in this blog, please know it is not said on purpose and due to the fact that I have (up until college) led an incredibly sheltered life. Also, I am sometimes stupid and don't think before speaking (or in this case, typing). True life.
I'm sure you'll be hearing again from me soon.
