Saying Goodbye Part 2...

Today has been a rough day...Hell, this weekend has been pretty rough. LOTS. OF. PACKING. Unfortunately, I had to pack not only for this semester, but for next semester as well. I had to separate a lot of clothes into the "Good Will" pile, the "Muhlenberg" pile, the "Staying in Michigan" pile, and finally, the "Ghana" pile. Not to mention the trash pile. Ugh. Right after I get back from Ghana I am going straight to Florida, not Michigan, and so I need Wesley to transfer all my stuff over to the storage space before school starts. Otherwise, I would have hardly no winter clothing slash any clothing for next semester...So, between my mother trying to motivate me to pack, myself having mini freak-outs and realizations, all the while trying to avoid the massive black hole that had become my room, I had my hands full.

Two suitcases and one backpack later, I am finally packed and ready to go. I already know I overpacked clothing-wise, but what put me over the edge was some personal touches and items that I included not for necessity per say, but for my sanity. I included two of my dad's t-shirts, a shirt and zip-up of Ethan's, a sweatshirt of Wesley's, a set of pictures to put on my walls, and even two Muhlenberg posters (Judas and Music Man). Not to mention a season or two of Gilmore Girls...haha. But honestly, knowing that I have these things makes me feel more safe. They have elements of home within them- and by having them abroad with me, I feel closer to those I love (silly and pathetic, but true).

All day I tried to put-off the fact that I had to say goodbye to my parents and my brother. Whenever I had the thought, I would immediately shove it back where it came from. I knew it was coming eventually though, regardless of how much I wanted to put it off. Time never stops ticking away. The car ride to the airport consisted of me laying on Wesley's lap and trying not to notice my mother's consistent tears. I know she tried to conceal them with her sunglasses, but I'm a smart girl ;). When we got to the airport I hugged my dad first, trying to remember his smell and the stubble of his cheeks against mine. The feeling that nothing will ever harm me in his grasp...just the simple notion of safety he exhibits by his presence is astounding. My suitcases were safely outside of the car and my dad gathered all of us together in an embrace as we prayed over my trip. I remember wondering what we must have looked like to the casual passerby- a family huddled together with their eyes closed- a father spreading his arms over us like a shield...I felt very loved and honored to be part of such a supportive, wonderful family. And even though I am currently questioning my faith extremely, I was relieved by the prayer for safe travels and wisdom. For while I am questioning Christianity and segments of God, I have never doubted his presence.

My dad drove off to the cell phone lot and my mom and brother followed me in to get checked in. Right before security the tears began to flow. My mother, already in tears, hugged me for a long time and once again, all I could think about was trying to imprint her touch, her scent, her unconditional love for me in my memory to access later when times get hard. It wasn't long before I had to turn to Wesley, my best friend, future best man, most incredible guy and brother I know, and say goodbye. This was harder than I let show. He has been my constant companion. My partner in crime. My accompanist, my shoulder to cry on, the one I turn to for all problems. I will miss him more than words can say. Love you, bro.

 I could barely squeeze out the words, "I love you" before I quickly turned away and walked towards security. Once I established a sizable barrier between us, I turned back and smiled to show them I could handle the emotions (when I secretly could not, but whatever). Once through security, I grabbed the largest iced caramel macchiato available to ease the pounding headache that had formed and headed to my gate. I could finally sit down and relax. The hardest part was over. I cannot even begin to tell you how hard it was. But what a relief! Now it's time to sit back, and enjoy the ride, right? Such an adventure is up ahead...and I feel so incredibly lucky that I have been privileged to be a part of it.

Saying goodbye to my family made me realize how lucky I am to have such a close bond to my family. I have people to miss, people I will think about constantly and long to get home to. However, they aren't going anywhere. There is a comfort within this concept that while I have such an incredible family, and I know I will miss them terribly, I feel blessed to know I have someone that loves me. I felt very loved today. What a privilege. That is something that one does not experience in everyday life.

However, now I am in Baltimore and at the lovely Miss Kimberly's house, and cannot believe what is about to unfold. I am ready to begin. Tomorrow we will take care of a last few items packing wise, and then hopefully get some time in with Adrian before we leave. But then we fly out at 10:44 pm at Dulles, and arrive in Accra at 1:30 pm the next day. Roughly an eleven hour flight. Wow. It's finally here :) Maggie will be meeting us there, and finally us three will be on the plane that will bring us to a place that will quite surely change us forever. I am thrilled while still hosting quite a healthy dose of nerves.

Prayers are appreciated! We will need them. Wish me luck! I love you all.

Introduction to my Abnormal Blog.

Alright. Just letting you know ("you" meaning all of those special people who are taking time to read my ramblings about Ghana) this blog is going to be very Jessie. This means that at times I will be making up words and pretending my grammar is correct when it is not. I will be hopelessly random and will probably have no filter about what I am experiencing. I am not the typical writer who can easily dictate their surroundings and find something fascinate to talk about- or even talk at length about certain things. Nor will I be able to promise a post everyday. I am trying not to put too many expectations on this blog because I am so new to the blog world and I tend to think something is a good idea, start it, and then drop it. However, I am determined to keep this up and when I am determined, I always follow through (just because I am so "damn" stubborn).

At the tail-end of a family reunion on Lake Wynonah, I am sitting on the deck overlooking the lake and wondering at how weird it is that I have already said goodbye to my boyfriend and sisters. First of all, why the heck am I still with my boyfriend when I'm going abroad? Well, good question. Unfortunately I have grown quite attached to this boy and he has become my best friend. I also have the tendency to throw myself into relationships; since I find that it is one of life's rare pleasures to experience affection and trust with other people. I try to govern my life through relationships. And those that are important to me always stay important to me- even if I suck at showing it (I tend to be awful at communication and confrontation. Such a win). So staying with Ethan is a choice I made because why break something off without trying? It helps that I am semi-obsessed with him. Also, I can bet he will not be pleased that I am writing about such a personal matter but oh well. This blog will be very personal. And that's a promise. Saying goodbye to him sucked. Not only because I won't see him till December but because he represents a type of love that I have yet to experience (Yeah I am being a mushy girl, whatever. I'm not actually). And while new things terrify me, I love them as well. It's just hard to think how one should say goodbye. It's not as if it will be easier if you hug them longer. That it won't be as hard anymore if you kiss them five times instead of four. Either way they are leaving, and either way, so are you. That is called an inevitability (BIG WORD!).

 No, it's more like trying to imprint their body upon yours trying to make sure you won't forget the way they smell or the way their breath feels against your neck or your cheek...how safe you feel when their arms are encircling you. How your body relaxes immediately at the touch of your sister's hand or the lighting up of their faces when you smile, laugh, attack your brother...just the small moments that you will be missing for awhile but won't be forever gone. It makes me realize what I appreciate most in life. Whose faces I will long to see when I am gone, I won't really know until I leave. But even so, whose faces will I long to see when I get back and am missing those new friends from Ghana that I hope to make?

Going abroad is a privilege which I need to remember. Not many people get to experience a different country or even a different University for a semester. I am blessed with a family who supports me when I spring such an idea upon them and they back me, even though it is not their first choice. I love them.

Before I close this first post I should explain the title. A main reason for choosing Ghana was so that I could be a minority. I am so used to being surrounded with white people that I hardly notice my skin color. Even though I know I cannot change it, I hope that when I leave I will have more of an idea of what it MEANS to be a Ghanaian. What makes them tick, what is important to them as opposed to what I place value upon from growing up in a privileged, white society. Also, let it be known I know next to nothing about politics and history but I am aware that I have led a comfortable life. While this has never been a "bad thing", I find that it would be useful for me to find out what "comfortable" means in Ghana. Another thing you should know is that I am incredibly naive. If anything I say comes off as offensive or inappropriate in this blog, please know it is not said on purpose and due to the fact that I have (up until college) led an incredibly sheltered life. Also, I am sometimes stupid and don't think before speaking (or in this case, typing). True life.

I'm sure you'll be hearing again from me soon.